Sunday, 24 April 2016

Am I in love with being in love?

Since high school, I have always imagined myself settling down and being married at 23, babies at 26, having the whole house with a white picket fence...
Okay, that totally didn't happen. I'm now reaching 28, single, no babies and still living at home. 
I cannot remember not being in a relationship! Growing up, I have had boyfriends that have overlapped, boys I have been casually seeing; I don't think that here has ever been a long period of time where I have been single. Up until this year, I thought I was in a relationship with the love of my life. We were looking to buy a house together, planning our future and one day, he decided he didn't want me, over a text message. OUCH, right? RIGHT! I thought my life was over, I really did. I was actually on my own now. I didn't have that person to hang out with, Netflix and chill, eat crap in bed or to tell my dreams and fears too. From that moment it was as though he had evaporated into thin air. I felt like I had lost an arm! Then came the hard part, deleting pictures, getting rid of those cute teddies, his clothes I used to sleep in. I even had to change my plus one at one of my best friend’s wedding. Urgh it was torture! Months down the line, I am a brand new person! I have had the rebound guy, the guys you say yes to meeting up with and never do, the drinking nights with friends man-hating, anything to get over a relationship I have done it. Do I regret anything? HELL NO! Do I regret the relationship? Not one bit. I only regret losing my best friend and his daughter who I had a lovely relationship with. 

I am a hopeless romantic, I am. I love the idea of a relationship, the loving bond you create with someone, planning your life with them. However right now? I'm finding me. If I’m honest, I don't really know myself! All I know is that I like food, I like to travel, I have major anxiety, but I don't really know 'me'. That sounds absolutely ridiculous I know, but I only really know me as being part of someone else. This year, I have made it my duty to find out who I am and what path I'm going to take next! I am not saying that I am totally against meeting someone, if it happens it happens, but I am focusing on what I want out of life. At the end of the day, you only get one! 

I used to believe that life would only begin once I met the love of my life. No, life begins the day you start to embrace it. 
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