Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Anxiety update.

I am one year free of anxiety & depression medication!

With suffering from depression and anxiety since I was 15, this has been a battle that I have fought daily for the past 12 years. I don't know what started it and in ways, I wish I kind of knew? However I suppose it doesn't matter THAT much. 

Just over a year ago, a had one of the biggest break downs of my life. I thought my world was ending and had probably the biggest/longest panic attack that I have ever experienced. I thought I was dying! I was given medication that knocked me out for a good 10-12 hours and made me switch off, so much to say that I didn't 'feel' any more. I didn't feel sad, nor happy, I just felt, well empty. For a while it was what I needed but after so long, I couldn't live like this! I didn't want to feel emotionless, or not be able to feel happy. I had to make a change. 

One morning I had had enough and went cold turkey. Instead of weaning off my medication without my doctors consent, I stopped completely. Man it was hard, torturous in fact! I went from feeling nothing to some days battling to get out of bed. Even making a cup of tea without panicking was exhausting! A few weeks went by and I started to realise that I didn't need medication to control how I felt. Simply making a few changed to my lifestyle started to really help. 

My diet changed drastically! I switched from having large amounts of regular coffee to decaff. To upping fruit and veg and less fast food and confectionery. I started to distance myself from negative people and bring in people who made me feel happy and loved. A major change to my lifestyle is that I started to say 'yes' to people when they asked me to make plans. Don't get me wrong, I used to make every excuse before going to meet them to cancel. One minute I'd be going, the next minute I'd be thinking up an illness to cancel. But once I was actually with the people I was fine. My anxiety drifted away. 

My know means has this past year been easy. Some days I can be the real me and others I'm fighting anxiety to get out of bed! However for me, medication is not an option any more. I am not at all trying to say that no one should take their medication as it won't work. I am stating that for me, I feel so much better without taking it! 

For all those suffering with depression or anxiety, my heart goes out to you. If I could give you a huge cuddle and promise you that you will get through this, I would. It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy as it is soul destroying but trust me, it won't destroy you! 

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