Words by Hannah Rosalie

Sunday, 24 April 2016

Am I in love with being in love?

Since high school, I have always imagined myself settling down and being married at 23, babies at 26, having the whole house with a white picket fence...
Okay, that totally didn't happen. I'm now reaching 28, single, no babies and still living at home. 
I cannot remember not being in a relationship! Growing up, I have had boyfriends that have overlapped, boys I have been casually seeing; I don't think that here has ever been a long period of time where I have been single. Up until this year, I thought I was in a relationship with the love of my life. We were looking to buy a house together, planning our future and one day, he decided he didn't want me, over a text message. OUCH, right? RIGHT! I thought my life was over, I really did. I was actually on my own now. I didn't have that person to hang out with, Netflix and chill, eat crap in bed or to tell my dreams and fears too. From that moment it was as though he had evaporated into thin air. I felt like I had lost an arm! Then came the hard part, deleting pictures, getting rid of those cute teddies, his clothes I used to sleep in. I even had to change my plus one at one of my best friend’s wedding. Urgh it was torture! Months down the line, I am a brand new person! I have had the rebound guy, the guys you say yes to meeting up with and never do, the drinking nights with friends man-hating, anything to get over a relationship I have done it. Do I regret anything? HELL NO! Do I regret the relationship? Not one bit. I only regret losing my best friend and his daughter who I had a lovely relationship with. 

I am a hopeless romantic, I am. I love the idea of a relationship, the loving bond you create with someone, planning your life with them. However right now? I'm finding me. If I’m honest, I don't really know myself! All I know is that I like food, I like to travel, I have major anxiety, but I don't really know 'me'. That sounds absolutely ridiculous I know, but I only really know me as being part of someone else. This year, I have made it my duty to find out who I am and what path I'm going to take next! I am not saying that I am totally against meeting someone, if it happens it happens, but I am focusing on what I want out of life. At the end of the day, you only get one! 

I used to believe that life would only begin once I met the love of my life. No, life begins the day you start to embrace it. 

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Becoming an independent woman

'He offered her the world, she said she had her own...'

Hey ladies!

How are you all? Fabulous I hope! 

A little bit of a different post this week. The past few months I have really come into my own. From my whole world being turned upside down, I literally felt like a frail mouse in a circus. The past two years I have been so withdrawn! Hell I have been doing things I love, but that 'spunkiness' I had about me had vanished! Enough was enough, I had to become an independent woman. 

I started small, by learning how to put water in my car. Sounds ridiculous right? Since having my car for two years, not once have I put water in it. I think it was a freezing cold Sunday when I had to keep my mind busy, I grabbed my car manual and learnt how to keep the bonnet up (which took me a good half hour). Then finally filling up the water tube thingy, I still don’t know what it’s called, but I done it!! I now get the satisfaction not having to ask anyone to do it for me. 

Going for coffee/lunch alone. Eeekk this was a tough one. I am such a fan of eating out and going for coffee and cake. All of my friends are in relationships, so days off where pretty much and still are spent alone sometimes. The first time I went for coffee on my own, I felt like an absolute numpty. I felt like everyone was staring at me, when in reality, they were probably too interested in their own coffee than to stare at me. The next few times I ate out I eased up a little, going to bigger coffee houses and even taking a book or my laptop. Now I wouldn’t think twice about grabbing my bag and heading to the local Starbucks for some me time! From drinking good coffee to people watching, time goes pretty dam fast! 
Being confident enough to walk away from a situation you are in or from a bad relationship/friendship was something I needed to work on. Having chronic pain can change your whole life, you have to plan days in advance. From where you are going, who you are going with, rest breaks, tablets, the list goes on! Sometimes, this can cause SUCH A STRAIN on friendships. Just because I'm smiling and laughing, does not mean by body is crying with pain inside. I am in pain every second of my life, sometimes its pain where I feel like I can't breathe and sometimes it’s just like a bad itch but it’s always there. I'm lucky that I have a good group of friends who understand if I have to leave suddenly through coffee date or a night out, they completely understand and are supportive. However I have lost a lot of friends through this as well. At the end of the day, if you are ever in a situation which is uncomfortable, just leave! Yes it will take balls and your heart will be pounding but just leave! If the people you are surrounding yourself with don’t understand, then fuck them. 
Help women around you feel confident! There is nothing more infuriating than woman putting other woman down. What is with that?!? We are all sisters and woman as one. I believe there is nothing more beautiful and selfless than making another woman feel good about themselves. Rather than slate them to others about their choices or something they may have done wrong, support them to see another way! Teach them something new! Don't bring them down to feel better about your own insecurities. Not cool ladies! Not cool. 

In other words, do what you love and love what you do. We are all independent in our own ways! However it has took me quite a while and finally I feel like I can rely on myself for anything and everything, having a man by my side is just a bonus! Kidding! 
Peace, love and healing, sending your way! 
Hannah Rosalie 

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